Awakening

I've decided to start blogging again; I'm not sure why, though. I'd prefer it if that last sentence ended in an uplifting, hopeful question mark...but it doesn't. Anyway, so today I ran, I walked, I biked, I conquered minor hills, one at a time. Honestly, that makes me feel like a recovering alcoholic. Why should I have to keep in my mind these mantras, "minor hills" "one at a time" "be careful" "you can always do that later" "you're not good enough yet" "BE CAREFUL". They rattle around all day and all night, no gear ever shifts them off the chain completely. When I'm running, I can almost break free of them. I curve around jagged edges of broken pavement and think, "You can do that now" "If it doesn't work, you just walk the way back". I don't appear to be equipped with the mechanism that allows one to try, uninhibited, new things. When I sail down a downward slope on my bike, I brake hard in back, and lightly in front, just applying as necessary, right before things go off the rails. Sort of the way I sally into most things; right before they go off the rails.

I think what I like about the semicolon, is that it is tentative. It says to the first sentence, 'you could've still gone on, if you'd have liked' and it elevates the second, always forgettable sentence to a higher plane. Like the undeserved promotion, it hangs in the air...needing punctuation.

In looking back at this blog I see some melancholy tale of forgetting the folds of someone's face, or the way it crumpled at bad news. I'm in a position now to say that the mind erases that which it cares not to hold onto. I can't recall a crumpling, or even the conversation that led to such a post. Memories, though precious, all fade.